What is Imposter Syndrome?
These past two weeks with the Fred Hutch Explorers program have been amazing. Thanks to all the professors, mentors, and students-who participated in the program-I gained a strong understanding of alien topics, such as the specialty of CAR-T cells, the mechanics of CRISPR, and the intersection between biochemistry and computers. Although all of the activities were engaging, the one that resonated the most with me was Alicia Morales’ lesson on the Imposter Syndrome.
When I first read the bolded words “Imposter Syndrome”, on Ms. Morales’ introductory slide, I had no idea what it was. However, when she described it as one’s belief that they’re “not good enough”, despite having evidence showing conversely, I began to realize that I was wrong -- I’d known about the Imposter Syndrome for a longer time than I’d thought.
In Ms. Morales’ next activity, we drew what we thought the Imposter Syndrome was within us. I immediately drew a person foreshadowing their inevitable failure, despite working on a simple task. I was shocked at how quickly I knew what to draw, and it was after I finished my drawing that I realized it’s not that I didn’t know what the Imposter Syndrome was -- rather, I didn’t know a term to assign my thoughts and feelings to.
This is my drawing on Imposter Syndrome. The person can only think about their failure, yet is working on a simple task (adding one plus one). Although this is an exaggeration, the drawing represents the persistence of the Imposter Syndrome in affecting my actions.
Additionally, to confirm that I had the Imposter Syndrome, I was given the Clance's Imposter Phenomenon Test. The test is a twenty question survey that asks how true certain statements, related to the Imposter Syndrome, were to me. I was shocked to see my exact thoughts reflected on the test. Questions such as “I have doubts that I can keep repeating that [previous] success”; “I’m afraid I won’t be able to live up to their expectations of me in the future”; and “I’m afraid people important to me may find out that I’m not as capable as they think I am”, are statements that I’d think to myself whenever I’d reflect upon my successes.
Now that I’d known I had Imposter Syndrome, I felt stuck. However, Ms. Morales's final activity, where we shared our drawings and their representation, helped navigate my feelings. Many students had drawings similar to mine. I remember another student who drew a person carrying a boulder while climbing a slope: this represented their feeling that every action(or step) they take will bring them closer to their failure. Other students had drawings different from mine. One student “Josh” drew himself hiding behind a mask with a smiley face and saying that “[he’s] fine”. However, behind the mask, he’s crying. Another student “Natalie” pictured herself with chains on her arms. She shared that she always felt that other people thought “that they were better than [her] because of [her] race”, so she felt that she always needed to “prove them wrong” to establish herself as their equal.
This is my reproduction of another student’s drawing of what Imposter Syndrome means to them. It shows a person carrying a boulder while climbing a slope. This represents that with every action they take brings them closer to the boulder(or failure) finally overwhelming them.
This lesson struck me deeply because it allowed me to finally understand my feelings. Ever since elementary school-and maybe even earlier-I’d always fear others learning about my incapability, doubt my successes, and attribute my victories to luck. However, when I heard other students reflect my thoughts with their words, I realized we shared the same feelings. This built confidence in me because I then understood that “we’re in this together.”